I really don’t. I spend all of my time trying to make sense of things in life and understand what’s happened, apart from when I try to distract myself with creative projects and things when I am in the right space to work on them. One thing that keeps me going though is being about to show up all of the people I meet who keep judging me for having autism so that they realise they are not so smart. Which I should be able to do even better now also.
I go to SA assembly for community, but I am still seeing how it is going so far. Some people seem nice, but I have also encountered the same judgement there from others and I still sort of feel that it should more open and accepting of neuro-diversity. I would like to find a place where I know people and have friends, but I am still not going to compromise what I am for it or pretend to be something. When I also think that people sometimes just use communities anyway as a crutch for not taking responsibility in life.
I still seem to have nicer experiences these days, even though people also probably think that I am mad when I talk about them. I don’t even completely know why but I think that it is to do with dissolving emotion in my body, as this is what someone talks about who I listen to and I am sure that I am experiencing the same state that he mentions. Which seems to keep increasing the more that I work through stuff and make sense of things, and also seems to have intensified more after properly understanding that I am on the autistic spectrum. So this is really most important for me as it is the best thing that I have ever experienced in life and is worthwhile. Because even though I am autistic and are judged for it by many people, I have still been able to find life and get glimpses of Heaven. Which I am sure that most (if not all) of these people have not been able to do themselves.
Other than that what keeps me going is the hope that I might be able to properly connect with a woman one day. Since a woman is what a man really loves more than anything else and spends most of his time thinking about, as you should know in your own experience. Along with the hope that I might actually meet people one day who actually understand me and don’t just judge by the surface appearance of things and get the wrong ideas.